The Madness of a Would Be King
by Lily Grace
Summary: A glimpse into Denethor's mind on his last day. Denethor, Gandalf, Boromir, Faramir, Finduilas, Sauron


_paranoia...   
That is mine! Give it to me!...Gondor has no king! Gondor needs no king!...Why do you try to change my mind? Change my ways?...We will fall, we will die, it is inevitable!...I'm your father! Love me as such!...Alas, my beloved son!...They will try to kill me in my sleep...I know it._

And they think I am mad. I know they think it. They do not have to speak aloud. I know my men. I know the men of Gondor.

I have seen all...they do not know of what I have seen. My own wife hated me. My elder son was caught between love of me and love of his younger brother. His younger brother...who is everything I wished I could be. He loved another man as his father. I could never be a father to him out of my own unadulterated jealousy. The true heir of Gondor is alive, well, and coming to claim his throne...I can feel it.

It is part of what has driven me to despair. I am only a Steward. I WANT TO BE KING! That is all I am. The Great Deceiver has shone me everything. Everything...will fall.

_despair...   
There is no hope! No hope!...You should have been killed! Not your brother!...My love, my love! Mother of my children! Did you ever love me?...I have seen many battles, faught many wars! Do not tell me how to fight this one!...Go away Grey Fool! Spare me the tender looks from my youngest son!...They are still going to kill me._

They still think me to be mad. No longer do I care, I am KING! I should BE KING! Why is the Dark Lord called the Great Deciever? He has not decieved me. No one shall decieve me! I am their ruler! No heir of Isildur shall pass through the Gates of Minas Tirith as long as I stand! As long as I am able to fight! Oh, Finduilas, I need you. I can feel my life leaving me. Where are you to comfort me!

_denial...   
No, it cannot be! Sauron would never decieve me!...My kin whom I've loved have gone to their graves!...Why must my youngest remind me of all my mistakes!...No, Grey Fool, I will not look on my only living heir in kindness!...We will fall! We will fall!...Everything has gone wrong...My vision is no longer clear. I must know the answers! Give me the answers!_

Oh, no, oh, no. I think I have gone mad. Have I gone mad? Oh, Great, Dark, Omnipotent Lord...have I gone mad? ANSWER ME! I cannot give up my city! I CANNOT! Take my son! Take Isildur's Heir! Take the Wondering Wizard! DO NOT TAKE ME! Give me back my sanity, my mind, give me back everything you have taken from me!

_anger...   
It is all lost. I know that now...My son! My son! I take it back!...No, hobytlan, you can not save me...I have seen too much! He decieved me, yet I know!...The city is falling, crumbling at my feet...Do something, Wondering Wizard! You can do anything, so do something!...My son is dying, yet, I cannot say his name...cannot say his name..._

He deceived me. He lied to me. He has thrown my own weaknesses, my own mistakes, into my face. Wondering Wizard, Grey Fool, White Rider...Gandalf. You knew everything. I told you not to do that! I DO NOT LIKE BEING MADE FOOL OF! Now, everything is dying. My people lost hope...I never had hope. I saw it all from the beginning. Yet, I know not what to believe. Sauron, YOU SAID YOU WOULD NOT BETRAY ME! YOU DID! You did. Now, I am mad. I am angry.

_regret...   
Do not take him! You cannot have him!...Oh, Finduilas, you had to have loved me! How else would we have such wonderful sons?...The city is no longer mine. Gondor is no longer mine!...Take it back, Heir of Isildur! Take it back!...Gandalf, you should have warned me! Alas, you did warn me!...Do not take him! Do not take him! Not until I say good bye! I can! I CAN! Faramir! FARAMIR! I do love you...What seemed hate...jealousy. Always jealousy!...I HATE YOU, SAURON! I - HATE - YOU! You took everything away from me!...Now, you are getting what you want, are you not, Sauron?...You are taking Middle Earth! Taking Gondor!...You have mad me angry! Made me insane!...I leave the rest to fight, the rest to live!...I will haunt you to the grave! I will burn you in the after-life!...You will taste the wrath, of the madness of a would-be king!_


End file.
